Yesterday finished three weeks of traveling and hanging with my best friend, she is now back in the United States. And where I was three weeks ago is very different than where I am now. Not so much in the physical sense, but in my heart and mind. This is the first time in more than a week that I have seen a computer screen and I have not yet checked my email, nor will I. I only sit here to write on this blog.
When planning all of this, I told myself that the first few months of being here would be relaxing, traveling with friends and family and basically something resembling settling in, adjusting to the culture again. I worked a lot last summer to make this happen and I did not want the pressure of coming here with intentions to work or be serious right away.
The past month of traveling has been great, mostly. But it was really this past week that the huge disconnect became totally noticable. The further I get from my life in the United States, the further I get from it in every sense, not to sound too cliche. I don't think I need to describe it in too much detail, I'm not sure I could make sense of it. But I can sit here and say that something happened to me this last week of hiding in the jungle by a river and partying with my friend in Antigua for her last nights of a 5 month international trip that makes me know my life from here on out will have an even more enlightened perspective.
Over the past week as I have thought about all of my life in the United States, and my new life I am building here, the differences in my daily concerns while living in each place are really showing stark contrasts. Letting go of the life I can no longer live in the United States feels really fucking good. Plain and simple.
Tomorrow I leave Antigua again to return to the lake to really start my life this time. I have had only short and sporadic periods of time there up til now due to visitors and traveling. But tomorrow, I leave to go home to the lake and this time, I will not be leaving for a while. I am going to start, really start my new life here. Begin to look for work, build relationships and become part of the community. And after a month of traveling, I am so ready. Even more, after this past week of some of the most unbelievable times of my life traveling with Emily, I know I am here to stay. Sorry folks, America has lost this American.
Perhaps I will indulge more on these topics in the future, but tonight, I am feeling a particular sentiment for the feelings I have in my heart crying out that I am perfectly placed on the planet right now and I better just stay.
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I see you have not lost your flare for drama...Since you are not checking your email, hopefully you will read this. Adam passed away last week from a massive heart attack. It happened after working out at the gym. The autopsy showed evidence of a couple of previous heart attacks that probably occurred within the past year. I will be flying to Denver this Wed for his funeral. Just thought you'd like to know. Love, Amanda
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